I have often been the victim of unrequited love, many more times than I care to mention, and throughout all those times all I ever thought of was how horrible I felt wanting someone while they didn’t want me but never did I consider how they must feel after they find out that I liked them. More importantly though, is whether or not it was appropriate for me to have acted as I did and should it not have been appropriate, what then would have been the best course of action?
There was an instance in my life when I was unwaveringly devoted to a young lady named Krisha. The period of my life, I am ashamed to admit, lasted quite a long while. During this period I had asked her 9 times to go out with me to do various activities, ranging from attending the homecoming dance with me, to drinking tea after a performance and all 9 times I was turned down. It got to the point where the rejection was more or less expected and I was asking in the same manner that someone plays the lotto; expecting to lose every single time but thinking how great it would be if I actually did win. As with most people in this very same situation, I was focused entirely on my own personal anguish (which did inspire me to write some of my best poetry) and not once did I even consider how my ceaseless adoration must have made Krisha feel.
Looking back now I can see how ridiculously I behaved. I believed that if I just liked her enough that she would see how great of a person I was and love would conquer all. To me, tainted as I was by various movies, books and flights of fancy, this just seemed like the first logical step in romance, but to her I must have seemed like a stalker. Well, I don’t believe that I ever exhibited any stalker-like behavior, in fact I could barely speak to her, let alone trail her home or anything of that sort, but at the very least I must have come off persistent and at the very worst a clingy desperate and pathetic social pariah. This would naturally have made her uncomfortable. I can’t say exactly how she felt while rejecting my numerous advances, but considering that I never thought of her as particularly cruel, I would imagine that turning me down probably made her feel a little frustrated (since I never seemed to give up or go away) and maybe even a little bit guilty at having caused someone else pain (it was very clearly written across all of my features that I did not feel better after being rejected) and embarrassment (I often asked her out at school which is not exactly private). I may also very well have caused a little bit of stress, as at times I may have seemed to be lurking in the shadows, waiting for my chance to strike with an invitation to the movies. While I won’t say that she suffered as much as I did, I did most certainly cause her a decent level of distress with my actions.
Where these actions appropriate though? The romantic in me, that grows smaller as I become increasingly jaded, says that the only crime is that I didn’t profess my love more ardently and more often. Time has tempered me, however, and when I think about it now, I believe it was unjust of me to continually bombard her with my feelings and so often place her on the spot in a semi-public setting.
This raises the question, what would have been the right course of action to take? Considering the fact that if nothing is ventured that nothing would be gained, I would have to say that it is appropriate to express your feelings once and ask the person in question out once and maybe twice, although not in rapid succession. After the second attempt at some kind of social interaction with the intent of beginning a romantic relationship has failed I believe that, no matter how difficult, the most prudent course of action would be to cut ones losses and move on. It is not easy to do this, and I myself am struggling greatly with an attempt at doing this very thing, but often it is the right thing that is the most difficult and most painful thing to do.
All things considered, unrequited love stinks, but we should all remember that as bad as it sucks to be you, it also isn’t the most pleasant experience for the person that you adore and we should strive to lessen the burden of our feelings on another and realize that if someone doesn’t love you back it’s not a crime and if you look far enough and long enough, you'll find someone that better looking, more interesting and, most importantly, interested in you. As trite and sappy as that sounds.
Quote of the post: “Who is John Galt?” – First line of the novel Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
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